ruined!

Today I’m not necessarily thinking age related thoughts, though I’m sure those of us who are advanced in years know plenty about what’s on my mind. So, let ‘er rip….

Have you ever had an experience that forever changed your attitude about someone, something, or somewhere? I dare say there is no one who has NOT had that experience but, hey, the question was rhetorical, wasn’t it?

Five years ago we visited one of our favorite spots in the whole world. Not a place that anything miraculous had happened before — it was just a pleasant location near the water that we had been visiting for donkey’s years and carried a lot of memories of pleasant walks and deep conversations.

At the end of that visit we were leaving the location and we were involved in a minor collision with a cyclist. The damage to the cycle was minimal, there was zero damage to our car, and the cyclist assured us there was nothing wrong with them. Incident forgotten — almost.

Sometime thereafter we hear that there is a claim filed and ultimately the insurer advises us the other party’s claim has been denied. Ok…

Three years after the collision we get served papers about a lawsuit. Our insurer takes care of all the paperwork. We have a couple meetings with a lawyer. We attend a deposition. Lots of time passes and nothing happens. A trial date is set and nearly a year passes. Two weeks before the trial date we are notified by the insurer that the suit has been settled. Everything is done.

All that took nearly 6 years. We didn’t have all that much to do with any of it.

And Yet…

I can truthfully say that we have lost all desire to return to a place that formerly held a great many good memories. The scar of a very unpleasant situation and a grab for everything to be gotten have forever changed our reaction to anything related to that place.

We used to enjoy watching kites flown. We had loads of fun overseeing the yacht moorings and watching large and small boats using the harbor and moorings. There’s an annual art festival that uses part of the property for parking and we always enjoyed a good snoop around at the art — even though in recent years the crowds have been enough to discourage us from attending even if the locale had been elsewhere.

Some might say we should just get over it. But it’s like dew drops on a flower petal. Once they are gone there’s no amount of spraying or atomizing that will return a drop of dew to its delicate perch on a flower. Somethings just change.

I don’t know whether the two of us have been more or less likely to have experiences like this in our advancing years. Certainly there’s more that has “changed” from what we remember of our youth than what has stayed the same. So, one might think that it should be a more common experience to find places and memories ruined. I don’t think that’s true.

We always lived our life openly. We made the best decisions we could at the time with the best information we could get. Some choices were sound; others caused a bit of problem — but they were always the best decision we could make at the time — so we have almost zero regrets about our lives. Sure, a lot changes. This isn’t the world we grew up in, and it’s never going to revert to what had been. That’s just life and it’s never a good idea to dwell on the past. The past is irrevocably gone.

I still spend a good amount of time thinking about the future. We have plans — not nearly as exciting as they once were — but we aren’t ready to call it quits here on earth. Our family is strong, we have ideas about things we’d still like to accomplish so what’s to be sad about, or regretful, or to feel ruined.

Still, there are a few things like the one I’ve mentioned. I hope that doesn’t become a common occurrence: finding a place or person suddenly distasteful. Most of the “stuff” in our life isn’t long and protracted. I think that had a lot to do with how we both feel now. Most of the “stuff” in our life is more under our control that this experience. Even health problems which many would say are NOT in one’s own control — how we react to a health situation, or a health emergency — that IS in our power. Positivity, endurance, long-suffering — these are things that can completely change how an experience plays out — and they can change the outcome as well.

That being true… I admit that there are actions I tend no longer take. I’m more careful about where I drive. With well over a million miles under the steering wheel I have seen huge changes in how people behave whilst driving. And I don’t like what I see. Too many people in too much of a hurry taking too little care about the well-being of others. As a result there are areas of town I no longer drive into. Too congested. Too many speed demons. Etc.. I avoid driving during rush hour — Most of my/our trips don’t have to be time-critical — maybe with the exception of lab work on mornings when fasting is involved! 🙂 I’m sure you get the idea. Retirement gives you the luxury to pick and choose your battles and I choose to avoid foolish behavior when it’s reasonable and prudent to do so.

What’s your take on changed attitudes? I always like to hear how others cope with similar situations.

Well, that’s about it for today. I hope you’re well. I’ll try to talk with you tomorrow.