Pop the Clutch


I don’t go to drag races, but I know what a Christmas Tree looks like and it’s a good metaphor for what we’ve been going through the last few months.

In a certain way I feel like I’m sitting in a powerful car on the drag-a-way  and I’m revving the engine and waiting for the Green Light. In a moment I’m going to pop the clutch and take off — but right now I’m enjoying the throaty rumble of the engine and the surging vibrations that set my whole body on edge.  Anticipation is good — sort of; and sometimes all you have is anticipation.

I have always enjoyed the opportunities life afforded to re-make myself.  I have welcomed the new chapters in life; rather than hated them.  Perhaps that’s partly why the unscriptedness of RV’ing was so appealing to me.  Peggy isn’t quite as eager for the uncertainty that goes along with an unscripted life but she’s definitely enjoyed the ride we’ve been on for the last 5 years.  And the way our marriage has worked (it probably wouldn’t work for other couples) her stability enabled my loosey-goosey lame-brained ideas which inevitably brought us to where we are today.  Forty eight and a half years later and we are still having a blast and still each other’s best friends. Which doesn’t mean we haven’t had our tense moments, or (as right now) our pregnant pauses — those times when you have to just sit and wait.

The thing about life’s transitions is that there’s always a certain amount of adrenalin that goes along with change. Our bodies aren’t really all that keen on change, no matter what our minds may say. Like the driver sitting on the line at the drag-strip, with the engine throbbing, the anticipation of what will happen in those next few short seconds after you release the clutch, your bloodstream is charged and your heart is pumping and you can’t wait for what’s next.  Any chapter-change in life can make you just as edgy and just as eager and nervous and a thousand more emotions. Sometimes we are forced by outside forces to wait through those transitions; as if you’re the first car to the starting line and you’re waiting for the second car to arrive so the race can begin.  At other times, the transitions are delightfully quick; the whole process is over in a blink of your metaphoric eyes.

For us, we’re stuck in a holding pattern now. I’m chomping on the bit and the adrenalin is pumping; I’m wanting to move forward with a variety of different things but for a couple reasons I can’t.  I still have a list of projects I have wanted to tackle “all my life” (not a bucket list exactly — I associate “bucket list” more with going places and doing things than with projects). However no matter how many items there are on that list we’re stifled for the moment.

I’ve never been a patient man. My solution for any period of inactivity is one of two options: either I go to sleep & think; or I throw myself into some activity to take my mind off whatever it might be that has caused the delay. If I can’t do what I want, I can do something. However at the moment I’m hindered even in relying upon a lifelong pattern.  Having moved here I’m still short of tools and some of the mechanical extensions of self that I need to tackle much of anything.  I’ll fix that shortage — over time — but that doesn’t help right now.   What can help, however, is to keep busy in more sedate ways.

who could resist the lavender festival with an alluring image like this on their webpage.

So, I’ve added another official prong to my waiting protocol:  research!  The delay has seen me reading and researching more than I have in a long while.  Spectrum gives me decent InterWeb speed, so now I can suss out the solutions to the problems we’ll be facing when we can move forward.  No sense to be depressed or discouraged.  There’s always something to be done.

San Antonio has a lovely garden that we have visited before.

I’m looking forward to visiting the Blanco Lavender Festival in June. We’ll be heading North to San Antonio for a visit to the San Antonio Botanic Gardens. And then there’s the South Texas Botanic Gardens, in Corpus Christi as well!

Of course, going anywhere in Texas is a lengthy process.  Corpus is 150 miles.  San Antonio is 280.  Houston is 350. All are good excuses for a night or two away from home!

I’m more and more interested in a sago palm as a planting for our place — or two….
In Wisconsin we grew English lavender. Here, what I find is Spanish lavender which I suppose makes sense in terms of the normal climates of those two countries.

I think it’s important to stay positive in life;  when you can’t do what you want — find an alternative.  Don’t stay focussed on the negative.  Find a positive to focus on.  And beyond whatever you choose to take your mind off waiting lies whatever it is that you want to be doing — so there’s a pot of gold at the end of your waiting.  Sounds good to me! You get something delightful to occupy your mind while you’re waiting and when you’re done waiting you get what you waited for.  Heck — sometimes whatever it is that fills the interim could be just as good or better than what you thought you were waiting for.  I have found that to be true more times than I’d like to admit.

 

 

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3 Comments

  1. Forgive me for wandering thoughts prompted by drag racing.You couldn’t possibly know 16 year old me was trophy girl at the local race track.I hated it! Once around the track smiling like a fool in the company of the prevailing grease monkey. Kill me now! Trust me, I didn’t apply for the job – couldn’t wriggle out of my Dad’s friend (radio DJ and track announcer) insisting I would make an outstanding trophy girl.Too funny 🙂

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    1. Ahhhhh…. How rare it is for a parent to see their child as the child wishes to be seen. Or for that matter a parent who isn’t insistent upon their child living out some version of their own “idea” life!

      Far be it for me to disparage anyone in the racing world. They get their kicks in one way; I get mine in another!

      That said — there’s some possibility our holding pattern may change soon. Fingers crossed; no more to say on that topic at the moment.

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