I woke up this fine Saturday morning with the realization that my weird dreams for the last several weeks have all had something in common. I’ve been unable to remember much about the details but my subconscious struck a chord this morning and I realized not what the dreams were about, but what has been in common among them.

Night after night I have dreamt about fighting for justice, or honesty, or integrity. They have been vivid dreams — as realistic as any I’ve had in my entire life.  I awaken completely involved in the dream — it flies from memory immediately, and aside from the vividness that’s all I’ve been able to tell/recall about any of them until this morning when my brain said to me, “hey dummy, don’t you realize what’s going on in your own head?”

I know I’m an old fogey but I still CRAVE things.  I think that qualities like honesty matter.  I think character matters. As far as I’m concerned there are values that don’t change.

I look around me and wonder, why is it that the much simpler men who founded this country a couple hundred years ago seemed able to wrestle with monumental issues like  life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness and our “more educated” politicians today seem unwilling to do more than feather their own nests and support their party.

At this point in time I’m an equal opportunity skeptic.  It’s not a Republican problem and it’s not a Democratic problem. The least greedy politician in the U.S. right looks like Bernie Sanders — and he has been a constant voice for the people (as expensive as his ideas might be).  Where the other voices of clear reason, or intense humanity, or extreme practicality are I have no idea.  The only thing that seems to matter right now is PARTY.

I know this is a world that has negated absolute values; I haven’t.  I know that puts me at odds with a large percentage of the population.  I really don’t care.  It would be nice though if I could come to some meeting of the minds with my own subconscious!  I know that this is not my kingdom.  I am waiting for Kingdom who’s builder and maker is God. I know that man’s ways are flawed; but that doesn’t mean I don’t long for justice even when there is none, or humanity when humans are treat one another inhumanely,  or rights when the rights of others are being denied.

It bothers me that I physically can’t get out there and be active in the way I could a few years ago.  I wonder how much of that physical inability is giving rise to my dreams — If I can’t get out there in the same way, maybe I can dream it all better?  Nah…   I was never the guy who aimed at appealing to masses — my goal was always “more time with fewer people.”  I’m not a voice for mass movements but in the past I could influence some people and they in turn could influence others and so on.

It’s not exactly a feeling of helplessness; I’ve viewed the situation as being hopeless for half a century.  We humans have created a mess that we aren’t going to dig ourselves out of.  I have been comfortable with that reality all of my adult life and nothing has happened recently to show me some new light at the end of our collective tunnel.  I happen to believe that Jesus really meant it when he said, he was going to prepare a place for us that where he is we might be also. I guess that makes me a dreamer — just not in the ICE sense of the word!

I used to hope that ideas made this world go round.  Right now all I hear is money talking.  Ideas seem to have fled the scene; have taken cover under rocks someplace safe.  It’s all about influence and money and power.

I’m glad (for myself) that I’ve finally owned up to what has been bothering me. I’m not sure the dreams will stop.  And I won’t say I’m sorry for sharing about it — this is after all more in the manner of my diary than a public forum.  Still I like to be more positive than negative and I wonder if these dreams have been my way of trying to make heads or tails out of a metaphorical train wreck that we can see happening in front of us and no one is doing anything to minimize the damage.  Everyone is shouting about the crashing and the catastrophe but no one has yet run out into the midst to save the day.  I’m too old to be looking for imaginary heroes. And I’m too idealistic not to.

Thanks for stopping.  I hope tomorrow will be more positive.


P.S.: I read something the other day explaining the nature of PTSD and it dawned on me that in some ways the way this country is behaving in ways akin to the way people with PTSD behave.  Is it possible that we are all suffering from post traumatic shock?   Or current traumatic shock?  or Future traumatic shock?  Or whatever?????


14 thoughts on “Cravings

  1. Excellent thoughts expressed, Peter. A lot of us are experiencing the same thing, I’m sure. I can’t help but wonder what the collective little guy who voted for this change is thinking, now that they are finding out that said change does not benefit them in any form…as a matter of fact, it hurts them. What will the mid-terms bring? How about 2020? It’s ugly, and it promises to remain so. Sad part is, we are all developing mental health problems as a result…and TrumpCare doesn’t cover that.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I nearly fell off my chair the other day when I saw a graphic that said:

      So, I’m paying for the wall, paying for Melania to live apart from Donald, Paying for Donald’s golf vacations, AND losing my healthcare?

      It astounds me that some people are happy with what he’s doing. I know we need fiscally sound decisions in government but I can’t believe it’s as popular as it appears to achieve what people THINK is fiscal solidarity on the back of the weakest and poorest of society — of course we aren’t going to achieve fiscal solidarity because that only looks at the public budget and there are vast sums off budget that never get accounted for — so even achieving the Tea Party goal is illusion and sleight of hand.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Peter, when we were in Kentucky, you wouldn’t have believed how many Trump signs we saw in front of houses where people lived that obviously didn’t have two nickels to rub together. That was the first state to go to Trump. Those folks are going to get totally screwed. I don’t get what people were thinking.


      2. Surely the choices were not great. There is a lot of animosity towards Hillary. But Trump has a history of lies, fraud, that makes the trumped up charges against Hillary look ridiculous — still, he appeals to bigots, and racists, sexists and anyone who has enjoyed privilege, and anyone who is already inclined towards racial hatred. I’m sorry, but I think most americans think that the veneer of civilization is thicker than it really is. 100 years after the Civil War we are still fighting about the Confederate flag — clearly the ideals that people died for in the confederacy are alive and well and prospering in the dark in the U. S. of A.


        Liked by 1 person

  2. Unfortunately, I see want is going on as part of the evolution of an empire.. As we all know history will always repeat itself, and Empires always fall. As much as we hate to admit it, we are an Empire.

    I admire Bernie, he was my presidential hopeful. Unfortunately, his next chance at President will make him 79-80 taking office.

    As always, young people will have to rise up and take the reins. It’s clearly evident that people between the ages of 35 to 50 seemed willing to let someone else lead them because he told them what they want to hear.


    1. You’re right, Dave. All empires fall. And will will join the history of the world as a failed, fallen empire in time — Maybe we’ll be lucky and it will happen after we’re both gone! I feel sorry for my grandkids though…. would not want to be in their shoes.

      The thing is, telling people what they want to hear and the fulfilling the promises can be an ugly thing to live through. People often want things that aren’t good for them. Which is why the founding fathers didn’t give us a republic — they were scared to death that the “public” would want ridiculous things and turned us into a federal republic instead. Of course a lot of folks still THINK they live in a democracy — which is why election promises are so absurd….

      I dunno — do you see anyone else out there like Bernie? I don’t. Actually, I don’t see many men or women who seem to have any vision of the future — seems all they want is a job and the heck with what they have to do to keep it after they have it.


      1. I don’t think the Hillary Machine would have let it happen…but I do believe the millennials would have stuck with Bernie all the way. 😉

        Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree completely!

      I’m not sure the budget could have withstood his ideas — the Capitalist thing has cursed us in ways that will be difficult to un-do (even if there were a will to do so) — but he is a man with humanity, with purpose, and we are the worse for having let him slip through our collective fingers. By the next election cycle I fear he will be older than most would choose to vote into office so it’s a double loss. Not just for this time, but probably for ever.


      Liked by 1 person

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